First, prepare cake mix of your choice in a 13x9 pan according to package directions. I recommend the flavor of consolation, chocolate. Once cooled, poke all over with a fork or other pointy implement, like the Army (or branch of military of your choice) viciously poking holes in all your hopes and dreams of having a happy family life for more than 11 months at a time. But don't totally destroy the poor thing, you need something left for re-enlistment time! Now pour over 1 can of sweetened condensed milk and 1 jar of caramel sauce, allowing cake to wallow between gooey substances like you will be wallowing in self pity for the next year of your life. "Frost" the cake with Cool Whip, which we shall euphemistically refer to as "separation and/or hazard pay." Sprinkle generously with garnish of your choice- sprinkles, chocolate chips, mini M&Ms all readily lend themselves to the task, or you can crush a favorite couple of candy bars in a plastic bag with a rolling pin like your hope of Having Him There for the Next Birth. Keep in fridge. Will feed 1 military wife sobbing along to Michael Bolton, or a wife and a herd of kids if she is smart enough not to have that kind of cheesy music on her ipod at deployment time.
*Recipe itself not originally mine, but the directions are. It's really just a poke cake with caramel sauce and sweetened condensed milk instead of Jell-O.
